I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
