Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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