I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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