you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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