you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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