i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
