It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
