I'm going to jail i love you
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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