worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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