Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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