you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
