She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
