I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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