I will die if light touches me.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
