my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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