I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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