how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
