Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
