you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
