this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
