i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
