I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
