My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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