I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize