She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
