I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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