k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I will pee on everything he values.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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