I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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