there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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