I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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