Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
