They should really pass out barf bags in church
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
