This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
this hospital has no fireball
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
