We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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