remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
