he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
