You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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