Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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