Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
