can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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