If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
