I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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