yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
