I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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