alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize