Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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