chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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