Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
