I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
