she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
