Welp...herpes.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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