thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
