what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
