I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
