So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
