You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
