every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
