pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
