Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
