Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
