god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
