addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
