you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
