you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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