why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
