I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
