ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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